I'll be honest with you, the holidays have been difficult for me since my family was split when I was 20. Up until that point, my family had been unscathed by divorce. My parents were some of the only that were still together and had stayed together through my childhood. And truth be told… I was the only reason. To create a home and solid family life for me, my parents sacrificed their true happiness to raise me. I'll always be grateful. For I have some perfect memories. It was always just the three of us and our dog, Duke.
As an adult, now that I've been through my own divorce… it's been difficult to get into a real great holiday routine, just when I thought I had a good one… it got flipped upside down too. It's been difficult with the people that have been in and out of my life to solidify traditions with my family.
My life has completely changed, for the better this year. 2017, my son was born. He is the focus now. Nothing else really seems to matter much. And I hope this year's holiday season brings more joy than years past, and far less anxiety than recent.
With all of that being said, I find myself looking back to the years I adore and the memories I cherish. Family has always been first priority. But since my parent's divorce, I can't help but admitting that I've felt out of place and lost in the world at times. Wondering what my true purpose is or what I am supposed to be doing with this life. Up until just recently I didn't realize that my reason for living was to be mama to this sweet little boy of mine. So you can imagine the confusion I sometimes went through.
When I was little, we lived close to 2 sets of my grandparents. And because of that, we didn't get together often for the holidays because we saw them all of the time. My grandma and grandpa Hall had so many kids, it was almost impossible to get the entire family together simply because there wasn't room. Yes, I can remember some Christmas gathering with the Halls where we'd draw names and do a gift for 1 family member. Where the littles would gather in an upstairs bedroom and jump on the bed, while the older kids played games in another bedroom, and the adults did Lord knows what downstairs. There were times we'd go to my grandma Bernice's house and have a holiday meal. But my most favorite memories are the ones that we'd head out of town for. Maybe that's just because I've always liked to be on the go? My grandparents were still married and living in Bend when I was very small, but the memories of that time are pretty minimal… I was very young. Really it's just pictures that bring back the memory, I don't remember much else. When they divorced, my grandpa stayed in Bend and my grandma moved to Portland. I'm not entirely sure if we'd split the time each year, and go both places. But I remember leaving our home in Harrisburg and traveling over the mountain or up I5 into Portland. At my grandpa's house, we'd stay the night… which was always fun to have a sleepover! I had my own room with two twin beds… my biggest decision being which one I was going to sleep in. I'd try and be brave and stay up in the loft, but never could make it. We'd go play in the snow, we'd exchange presents and have yummy food. It was grandpa's house, it smelled different than any other place I'd ever been to (it still does) and I love it. I remember gifts at grandpas almost always being snow boots. For it was at his house that I needed them the most. Heck it never really snows in the valley. Nothing in particular really stands out as far as activities that we'd do. Really all I remember is just being with Grandpa. Spending the time with family. And that is exactly what I'm glad I remember from those times. Regardless of things or meals or whatever… it was just being at Grandpa's that I really remember enjoying the most.
It's similar with my grandma's house in Portland, except this is where those traditions start coming to mind. I really don't know if I should call them traditions as they weren't always the same… and I can't claim they were every year either. Everybody knows I'm not real good at being an Oregonian… despite having lived here my entire life. It's only getting worse as I age also. I might end up being one of those little old ladies who buys her own tanning bed and then lives in it. But that's a topic for a different post. I have to admit, despite hating Oregon's grey winters with it's never changing wet status… I love Portland in the Winter. Something about the neighborhoods, and the streetlights glistening on the wet pavement. The fun places to eat, the bustling streets, Rose City, Trailblazer games, OMSI, the bridges over the river leading to the famous view of the Portland sign with the cityscape in the background. There's just something very nostalgic about it to me. Grandma lived in a couple of different places in Portland but the one I remember the most is where she still currently resides, the condo on the river. We always had something very fun planned with Granny Bonnie. Always a yummy traditional meal. But we'd also go look at Christmas lights, or watch the lighted boat parade on the river, even once going to her office building downtown Portland and watching from high above. We went to the Singing Christmas Tree musical production numerous years, or the Zoo to see the lights.
When we got back to Harrisburg, Santa had always already been there. Regardless of what day it was, it was clear that Santa used multiple days to do his work, and would hit the places where people traveled out of town first for convenience purposes. I would leave snacks out for him when we were at home. Knowing what I know now, I'll be sure to leave a nice holiday treat cocktail for him when Kannon is old enough to leave goodies. Making sure my little man knows that Santa could probably use a nice hot toddy to stay warm in the sleigh.
How do you decide what holiday traditions to instill into your child's life? Do you pick your favorites from when you were little or do you steal from other people and try and create new ones? Do you do an advent calendar? Do you give presents to less fortunate than your family to help teach the little ones what giving is really about? Do you set budgets? Do your kids makes lists? Do you drive them around to look at Christmas lights? Do you have traditional meals or do you change it up and have different menus? How many different places do you spend time during the holidays? Do you read the same books or watch the same movies every year? What makes your holiday season special?
