Almost past due…

I've struggled for a number of months to really find the right words to describe how I feel.  I'm happy, I feel blessed, and I've been scared every day for exactly 40 weeks.  I have been through extreme highs and some of the lowest lows of my life in a fairly short amount of time.  The words still don't seem to be coming to me with ease.  I'm exhausted, but hate lying around resting.  I'm scared, but can't wait for this phase to be done.  I'm upset that I don't have more pictures, but kind of feel like I don't necessarily want to remember what I look like.  I feel huge and whale-like and dislike how heavy I feel but am glad I fed my body to enable him to grow and enjoyed guilty pleasures in the food category.  I made new friends during this time, ones who've been incredibly supportive.  I've stayed in touch with old friends, the ones that mean the most, it seems as if most everyone had lost hope in the fact that I'd ever be where I am right now.   I left a job I love for a different opportunity and have started a new job which will keep me busy yet give me the schedule I will need as my son grows. 

Today my phone sent me an alert that today is my due date.  I've created and carried a tiny human for 40 weeks to the date.  My son is due to enter the world at any time.  This is the hardest thing I've ever done.  Physically, mentally, and emotionally tough.  My body was taken over by hormones.  I've been in an almost constant state of some sort of emotional distress.  My OCD went into overdrive at times… others it died all-together and I didn't give two hoots about things.  I've developed a new respect for mamas everywhere.  I've never changed my mind so many different times about the things that I thought I wanted.  Things that used to be very important to me, seem so minute.  Other things have popped up to the surface as #1's.  

This is my first and only.  My first experience on so many different levels and I'm left to wonder if all first time mamas have felt the same way?  I assume some of it was probably similar for others.  I mostly figure that I've overreacted and overanalyzed and overkilled a lot of things.  I didn't share with a lot of people on social media for a long time.  For some, this may be the first they've heard about it.  

I'm hoping my son Kannon is the muse and inspiration for numerous future posts on here as I learn all about being a mama.  I love the creative nature of writing and the outlet it gives me.  Lord help me in this new adventure.