Baby Kannon's entrance

I've always known that I'm a little on the crazy side.  I'm not that out of touch with reality that I'm not able to recognize it.  Others (friends and family alike) have reaffirmed.  But never have I felt more like a lunatic that I have during this last year.  I touched briefly on my struggles in my last post, but I was also due to have a baby and so very ready to be done carrying my little one in my womb.  It was hard for me, painful and so very tiring.  Everyone warns you about these things, but none of them really make sense to you until you've done it.

For fear of forgetting details… here is my birth story.

When I had my son, I was 40 weeks and 5 days.  Overdue, but not by much others will say.  I say… OVERDUE.  I had gained approximately 45 pounds to my very lean and slender frame.  Because of my height, according to others who saw me say I carried it well and looked as if I was smuggling a basketball.  Not many believed I had gained the amount that I did.  When I looked in the mirror, I saw a giant woman with a chubby face, fat ankles, and crazy hair.  A lot of things change during pregnancy.  My shoe obsession, and the need to complete my outfit with a cute pair of shoes came to a screeching halt since I couldn't squeeze my feet into most of my shoes since they were so swollen.  I refused to buy many maternity outfits because I knew it was a waste of money.  I lived in leggings and long tank tops, and scoured my closet daily looking for that shirt I bought 10 years ago that I didn't wear much because it was too baggy.  Everything makes you tired.  You hair and nails get all crazy.  Not to mention all the new feelings you're having in your belly.  There's pain, tightness, swelling, and then you start feeling the little one move around.  It's not that people didn't warn me about all of the things that you'll go through during this special time.  I've just always been more of a hands-on type… I had to experience it to fully understand.  Enough about the pregnancy… here's how it went down.

At my 38 week appointment they ask me, "would you like us to check your cervix?"  I was confused, I thought this was something that my OB decided when to check me.  We all decided together to see where I was at since I'd had plenty of contractions.   My blood pressure had already been running high, but not at an alarming level for a couple of weeks prior.  Still borderline… but manageable.  I was 4 cm dilated.  I was pretty happy.  That seemed like a good starting place.  My OB was pleasantly surprised as well, telling me that considering this was my first pregnancy, to already be that far along in the process was a good sign.  I continued to go for my weekly checks and at the last one, I was 1 day overdue and doing fine.  Still dilated the same amount, they told me to stay close to the hospital that they believed I wouldn't go much beyond my due date.

On Saturday, May 27th at 1030 in the evening, I was lying on my moms couch unable to drift off to sleep yet.  Mom and Brad has already retired for the evening.  When I rolled to change position, I felt something odd.  I knew I wasn't peeing.  For heaven's sake I wasn't even laughing or anything.  It was not a huge gush that made it terribly obvious, but after I evaluated a bit… I realized that my water had broken.  I sat in my room at the other end of my mom's house, called the triage nurse.  She told me what I knew she would.  She wanted me to come in to be checked, regardless of whether I was in active labor or not.  The reason being my blood pressure and the fact that I was already 4 cm dilated.  I changed my clothes, contacted Kannon's dad who was in Reno, Nevada at the time and told him to head home, woke my mom up and we headed into the hospital.  We arrived about an hour after my water had broken.  1130pm on Saturday night… that night had proven to be a slow one at GSRMC emergency room.  After turning down their silly offer of a wheelchair (couldn't they see that I wasn't bleeding from the skull or dying) they led me upstairs via the "special elevator" and when they showed me into a labor room, there were 2 nurses waiting in there for me.  They gave me my "outfit" to change into.  Gave instructions and when I came out from my dressing room… they laid me down on the bed and began the process.  They asked me 167 questions that all had answers in my chart that they could see…I'm positive… because I know how those charts work.  I used to work in the software department teaching folks how to use it.  I'm very familiar with where my family history is located.  And considering my parents haven't changed since my OB history and physical… everything should be the same!  They began checking my blood pressure… which was again too high and that was what required me to stay and be admitted.  I had yet to dilate further and my labor progression hadn't really started.  So I had to just be there… and wait.  Attempting to sleep was difficult considering my blood pressure cuff tried cutting off my arm every 5 minutes.  5…. seriously.  Bart was on the road and staying in contact with my mom, who was taking cat naps on the couch in my room.  I offered for her to go home, I did not make her stay… she refused to leave me.  Queue the Awwwws.  Fast forward a few uneventful hours to 430am when I woke up with some abdominal cramping.  I was starting to feel my contractions.  They continued to come every 15 minutes for a couple of hours.  By the time Bart arrived around 630am on Sunday, I was having intense, very painful contractions every 90 seconds.  They checked me again around 7am, I had dilated to 7cm.  They brought in an anesthesiologist to consult with me and ultimately I decided to have one.  After that was done, I felt immediate relief.  I felt a rush of exhaustion and was able to close my eyes.  I proceeded to sleep for the next 3 or 4 hours.  Sometime mid day (times are fuzzy to me) they woke me up, checked me and I was fully dilated and ready to deliver my son whenever I was actually READY and feeling an urge to push.  A wave of disbelief came over me… I couldn't hardly believe I was about to meet my baby.  When it was time for me to push, my mom and Bart stayed in the room.  Everyone else vacated to wait in the hall.  My nurse and my midwife coached me while Bart and  my mom encouraged me.  I felt as if I was doing nothing. I pushed so hard I questioned whether I'd pass out.  There was a significant amount of pain.  They had to turn my epidural down so that I could focus my pushing… with too much med, it was difficult to feel ANYTHING… Unable to really deal with the pain well, I was nauseated.  After pushing for about an hour, in the end my midwife got a bit more urgent with me.  She instructed me to get him out soon, as they were unable to monitor him because he was behind my pelvic bone and they could not pick up his heartbeat anymore.  Just about the time that I felt as if I could do no more, I needed to throw up.  My mom says it was a blessing in disguise.  The push my muscles did from throwing up is what helped me push Kannon out completely.  I had no idea at the time.  I refused to reach down and touch him as he crowned.  I refused to take the mirror that they continued to offer.  If I really need to know what all that looked like, I'm sure I could ask my mom or Bart as they likely saw the whole show.

Kannon was born at 220pm on Sunday May 28th.  He had very few issues besides poor color.  It took him a bit to perk up and warm up to his healthy color.  We spent 2 days in the hospital given it was a holiday weekend and he's been the little pineapple of my eye every since.  We've spent a significant amount of time at home with ourselves as his dad was out of town working.  We've camped, vacationed, attended weddings, been in some VERY hot weather, went on boat rides, taken walks, road tripped, you name it and I've tried to expose him to it.  He can fall asleep anywhere… he can also stay awake and fight sleep in spite of his mama.  I think he thinks it's funny to stay awake and become fussy because he's so tired.  He eats like a champ… often… but has gained good healthy weight and weighs a whopping 12 lbs at 2 months old.  He was born at 6 lb 13 oz.  When we left the hospital he had only lost a a few ounces and at 2 days old he had already begun his climb upwards.  He's got cute baby rolls on his arms and legs now and makes the funniest faces.  Just this morning he managed to actually get his thumb into his mouth and sucked on it.  Some days he likes a pacifier and other days he has nothing to do with it.

Those are the important parts, I didn't want to forget the time line.

Almost past due…

I've struggled for a number of months to really find the right words to describe how I feel.  I'm happy, I feel blessed, and I've been scared every day for exactly 40 weeks.  I have been through extreme highs and some of the lowest lows of my life in a fairly short amount of time.  The words still don't seem to be coming to me with ease.  I'm exhausted, but hate lying around resting.  I'm scared, but can't wait for this phase to be done.  I'm upset that I don't have more pictures, but kind of feel like I don't necessarily want to remember what I look like.  I feel huge and whale-like and dislike how heavy I feel but am glad I fed my body to enable him to grow and enjoyed guilty pleasures in the food category.  I made new friends during this time, ones who've been incredibly supportive.  I've stayed in touch with old friends, the ones that mean the most, it seems as if most everyone had lost hope in the fact that I'd ever be where I am right now.   I left a job I love for a different opportunity and have started a new job which will keep me busy yet give me the schedule I will need as my son grows. 

Today my phone sent me an alert that today is my due date.  I've created and carried a tiny human for 40 weeks to the date.  My son is due to enter the world at any time.  This is the hardest thing I've ever done.  Physically, mentally, and emotionally tough.  My body was taken over by hormones.  I've been in an almost constant state of some sort of emotional distress.  My OCD went into overdrive at times… others it died all-together and I didn't give two hoots about things.  I've developed a new respect for mamas everywhere.  I've never changed my mind so many different times about the things that I thought I wanted.  Things that used to be very important to me, seem so minute.  Other things have popped up to the surface as #1's.  

This is my first and only.  My first experience on so many different levels and I'm left to wonder if all first time mamas have felt the same way?  I assume some of it was probably similar for others.  I mostly figure that I've overreacted and overanalyzed and overkilled a lot of things.  I didn't share with a lot of people on social media for a long time.  For some, this may be the first they've heard about it.  

I'm hoping my son Kannon is the muse and inspiration for numerous future posts on here as I learn all about being a mama.  I love the creative nature of writing and the outlet it gives me.  Lord help me in this new adventure.  

2017… could it be true?

I suppose writer's block is a good excuse.  Although, I don't necessarily consider myself a writer, I've been lazy.  I have thought about it, I've procrastinated, I've made excuses, I've been "too busy", and now I'm disappointed in myself.  Am I required to post?  No, not even a little bit.  But I miss it.  Blogging was a way I had started to express creativity in different ways.  

So here we are in a new year and everybody's making all kinds of crazy resolutions for the new year and I'm over here like, "I just want to get back to my blogging."  So here goes my best effort.  

2016 was filled with too much to recap (since I've been out of touch on here since June).  We've lived in a couple of different locations (and climates) during the course of the year, we've ventured out on numerous camping trips, changed jobs, met new people, and made some great memories.  Life is centered around basketball for a good portion of the year, and that's just the way we like it.  We travel when we can, we take trips together, we help one another, we get mad at each other, and we LIVE.  That's the one I'm most proud of.  Our family loves the "on-the-go lifestyle".  No matter how tired we get or how out of money we feel, we stay on the move.  We find activities to do, we see different parts of the state, we repeat the trips we love, and we make time for each other.  

 

My favorite weekends are spent just like this:  We typically cram ourselves and our bags for 3 days in the small gas saver vehicle that is less than luxurious or super comfortable.  We take off to wherever there is a basketball tournament happening for the weekend.  Sometimes in a town that we've frequented too many times to count.  The two growing boys in the backseat with their blankets and basketball bags with headphones on or a squabbling match quickly escalating love to play basketball.  And they are so fun to watch.  They understand the game that their dad taught them better than most high school players.  Their coach in the driver seat and me, well I like to sleep during car rides.  :)  We usually arrive at a 3.5 star hotel, nothing fancy… typically a Best Western or Holiday Inn.  Wherever has a hot tub and free breakfast included in the price of the room.  Saturdays are filled with basketball, bleacher butts, and good times with great friends.  Tradition usually says we have dinner with the team and their parents somewhere fun like Buffalo Wild Wings (because boys love that place) and they are everywhere.  Our backup plan is the good ole standby Pizza Hut with wings ordered to our hotel room.  We snuggle down in our beds in a non-fancy hotel room after we've visited the hot tub for a good soak.  Everybody tired, happy and content.  Sunday will be filled with the same thing basketball games, quick energy attaining snacks, the constant search for a store to get a gatorade and stock up on water for the next game (typically the championship on Sunday).  At the end of the afternoon after they win their 4th game of the weekend, the team goes their separate ways and we all head home.  The point of this little story is that it doesn't take much to make us all happy.  When we are together, we do best.  

So here's to another year of making memories and we'll start by watching SING in the theater this beautiful sunny afternoon.  

When it rains, it pours.

It seems to be that I don't have real great luck with water these days.

This last weekend was an adventure.  Heading out of Eastern Oregon to meet my family, making my way to Central Oregon where the weather is usually nice and warm this time of year to find wind blowing and rain sprinkling at the campground by Lake Ochoco.  The following morning making our way to Clear Lake which during the summer even on the hottest day, apparently still stays a chilly 41 degrees water temp.  BRRRR.  We made our way out onto the lake with clouds in the sky, and a fairly mild temperature.  This was my first time in a kayak.  Let me paint the scene... it's an inflatable, 2 person kayak.  I was going out in it by myself, so the 2nd person seat held my bag, a couple of extra life jackets, and my water bottle.  I slide the small boat out into the water most of the way, and then climb in myself.  Not wanting to dip my toes in the water because of that frigid temperature I mentioned.  I get myself situated and begin to scoot the boat further out into the water off of the shore.  I begin paddling with an oar.  Having never paddled myself anywhere... it took me a minute to get it figured out.  There was a bit of a headwind.  So I learned quickly that I must paddle much harder.  Coming around the bend, by the dock where the men are getting into their drift boat.  They advise me that if I prop up on my knees I will have better leverage and be able to move along through the water much quicker.  It's going to be a hard trek to get out there because of the wind.  "I can do this" I have to continually tell myself.  My arms are already tired.  I decide to get a head start from the boys, yet an 11 year old passes me in his hard plastic kayak ridiculously fast.  Making it look much easier than I have found it to be.  As I'm working my way further out into the lake, I realize that each time I bring one side of the oar out of the water, it runs down the shaft and drips into my lap.  My Nike Dri fit leggings are drenched... and are anything but "fitting dry".  I'm layered on the top with a layer of dri-fit, and a jacket over the top.  I have a scarf wrapped around my head because, well.... my hair was a mess.  Camping and short hair do not mix well.  Just saying.

The wind picks up a little bit and we've all kind of met out in the water, to share the horror stories we all have about how difficult it is to paddle against a strong wind.  The clouds then cover the only sliver of sunshine that was peaking through.  It starts to drizzle.  "Great, just great."  I think to myself.  The wind is blowing me back in the direction that I'd already worked so hard to paddle out of... I have to really dig in and drench myself with each stroke of my oar.  Then the drizzle unleashes it's fury into a full-fledged down-pour.  I'm soaked.  the bottom of the kayak has a nice layer of water, my Chaco sandals hold my ice-cold little nubs of toes, and I fear that I'll drop the oar any moment because of my numb and tingling hands.  It's June in Central Oregon for cryin' out loud.

Ten or fifteen minutes of torrential downpour, and the sun comes out again.  The wind is still blowing but not nearly as bad.  My top half has dried out a bit, but still each time I paddle anywhere I drench myself with the water from my oar.   I hang out upwind of the boys who have gotten their fishing poles out, and were attempting to catch "dinner".

After pulling the boats out of the water, loading everything back up and attempting to thaw out while we ate lunch, we are back on the road to our next camping location.  Sure enough, it's raining.  Most of the evening and through the night.  We were able to crouch beneath the canopy of the trees for a bit and have a fire to warm our bones, while we widdled kindling with knives.  We soak in the hot springs pool a couple of times, and make it through the night.

Point of my story... well I'm just really looking forward to some actual summer weather.  I'd love to do the kayaking thing when it's warm outside and the getting-wet-thing is welcomed as a method to cool off.  I can't even express how excited I am to camp in warm weather, not having to bury yourself under covers to stay warm early in the evening.  Being able to stay up late around a camp fire and roast a marshmallow or five.

If the shoe fits...

Write a blog, they said.  Write about what you know, they said.  It'll be easy for you to make up crap, they said.  So far, writing about my family and my fondest memories has been easy.  Finding things to write about is proving to be more difficult.  But I will not quit trying.  With that said, I'm always open to suggestions.  But in the meantime...

I shall write about what I know.  I know shoes.  I know that I love shoes.  I know what kind of shoes are beautiful, hideous, creative, and spunky.  I know that I love shoes.  Did I mention that I love shoes?  I plan my entire outfit around what pair of shoes tickles my fancy for the day.  "You have too many shoes."  I have heard far too many times.  "What on earth do you do with so many pairs?"  "You can only wear 1 pair at a time."  All of these things, they fly in one ear and right back out the other.  I will not neglect my shoe habit, for it started in the womb.  I love them all.

Birkenstocks I've had since high school

Some days all you need is a comfy pair of shoes and a glass of wine or a good book.
I adore my fun and funky Nike sneakers.  I thoroughly enjoy my black flats, and I feel confident in any number of my pairs of pumps.  Each pair of jeans I own has it's own corresponding pair of shoes that fits perfectly just below the hem.  Each individual pair of slacks I own, also has a matching pair of loafers, heeled mules, pumps, or stilettos.  Every pair of skinny leggings has a sneaker that looks fabulous with a rolled up hem, or a pair of sandals that fit just right.  And every top or blouse has a matching slide, slingback, or flipflop that works with the color.  Even my dresses (which I don't wear often) have a variety of calf height boots that look absolutely adorable.  Blacks work with grey tones.  And brown works with earth tones.  Camel and nude go with almost everything.  And I finally splurged and bought my first pair of Tieks, which are truly worth the money.  Which seems to be a popular controversy these days. 

It must have been a hard day at work

How did I come into this terrible, sometimes pricey habit, you ask?  Well... I suppose I shall blame it on my mother.   For even when I was a wee one and she was the one in charge of my shoe purchases, I had a shoe fund.  A jar of change on her office work desk.  

Do I have favorites?  Of course.  My boots.  The brown leather cowgirl boots that go with anything.  The distressed dark brown with the beautiful, scrawling ivory colored stitching.  They can be worn below the perfect boot cut jeans, or on the outside of skinny jeans or leggings with a long sweater, or with a summer dress made of light and flowing material.  The perfect mix of tough country and dainty femininity.  Or there is always those hand stitched camel colored leather Frye pumps with the blocky grained heel.  The ones that I wear with long, ivory colored linen slacks.

Old, and New

There is a pair of shoes that fit every occasion.  You must have a nice pair of boots that keep your feet protected from the elements.  The mud and the snow are nothing on my Danner's or Sorel's.  And don't forget the comfy stand-by Fatbaby's.  Good for keeping seed out of your socks when you're out in a field, or up on top of a seed truck.  So comfy in fact, that I've gone through 2 pairs of them.




















There's a certain bad-ass-ish-ness that one feels when they have the opportunity to clomp around in a pair of Danner boots. There's a reason they are an all-American work boot.



















There are also occasions when you must have something that slides off in an instant.  Travelling requires it's own type of shoes and, well it's always a good idea to have a huge variety of colors and levels of comfort to choose from.  I almost always take a picture of the shoes if they are in a significant place.  Airport carpet, Lombard Street (Crooked street in San Francisco). You should also document the types of vintage Nike style sneakers you wear to the Nike Headquarters campus after you've spent too much time buying said shoes at the Nike Employee Store.  Sometimes you just need a cute pair of sandals to show off your fabulous pedicure.

I know that I have an obsession.  But it's too late in life to teach this old dog new tricks.  I'll continue down my path of destruction.  I know nobody care that much... but to me, this is my hobby.  To always find just that perfect shoe that fits my foot.  I love shoes.  End of story.

Summers... Part II

A very dear friend of mine that I grew up with, requested that I touch on a more specific topic that was a large part of our every day lives as kids, growing up in a piece of farm equipment.  So here is my Part II to yesterday's post.



Growing up in the grass seed capital of the world the way I did, I wasn't the only teenager that had this type of summer job.  And those of us that did the same thing during the summer time had a type of understanding that other friends did not.  We had similar work ethic without other options.  At the time, most of us were in it because that was our only option for summer work.  They were either a direct descendant of the owner, or in my case, my family was very good friends with the farm's owner.

We were barely into the days of cell phones.  They were not smart phones, and they didn't do anything besides make phone calls, text messages were expensive, and if you were lucky you had snake on your phone.  It was before the days of social media.  Our biggest means of communication was through the radio.  Talking on our cell phones was highly frowned upon and incredibly expensive back then.  I think they used to charge by the minute!  There was also a thing called Roaming.  We would wait patiently all day until the "live request show" on the local country music station would come on.  Pure Country, 103.7!!  In my best radio host voice.  The MC, he'd let us teenagers rule the air waves.  Requesting song after song, night after night.

There was an understanding between all of us that you listened to that station in the evening to see who would get on air.  Friends would request favorite songs, girls would request romantic songs to try and get the point across to that special boy.  But Marie and I would request classic Bellamy Brothers, Redneck Girl often.  Because as all of you know, a redneck girl wears the name on the back of her belt.  Both Marie and I proudly wore our leather belts with our jeans displaying our names across the back. (If you don't know the lyrics and that made no sense to you, shame on you.)

Certain songs had certain meanings... and every time I heard that song, I knew that somewhere out there in some piece of farm equipment was my friend Marie singing along.  Marie and I go back a long way.  You see, we've never been the super close type of friend that always hung out or did other things outside of school all of the time.  But we did have the same babysitter when we were just wee ones, and that takes us way back.  Being a farm kid, sharing that special bond with friends holds a fairly significant place in my heart.







I'll do my best to take you back in time to our high school summer-time playlist.

Redneck Girl- Bellamy Brothers
Fishin' In the Dark- Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
Cadillac Ranch- Chris LeDoux
Where The Sidewalk Ends- George Straight (because everybody loves George)
Watermelon Crawl- Tracy Byrd
and anything by The Judds
... you get the idea.

Music was all we had out there.  Alone in the cab, nothing to do but talk to the radio.  I don't know about others, but my own personal game was to seek through the stations, whatever song came on through the speakers, I needed to be sure I could sing along to the lyrics.  Some will say that is the reason I'm a music freak now.  To this day, if I'm on the hunt for something good on the radio, whether I'm by myself, or with a group in my vehicle... you must, "Name that song"  or "Name that band".  I must know who sings it and all of the lyrics.  I also have that music memory, let me hear it once and next time I'll be singing along.

My mom and I take it to another level.  Randomly, I will receive a text message with a set of lyrics typically not the chorus to name the song, and extra points for naming who sings it.  If I'm driving, I'll record myself singing lyrics and have her name it.  I don't drive without music on and I think that I blame that tick on having worked in the fields for so many years.  To keep myself from getting bored or tired, I needed to SING!!!  So... there is never a quiet cab when I'm driving.  Some habits die hard.

The last struggle that I know my fellow farm gals will understand is finding a comfortable temperature.  Depending on the time of season... whether we were cutting, thrashing, or working dirt really determined how I would dress.  When I was young, my dad always advised long pants and tall boots.  Keeps the seed out.  However, sometimes my rebelling teenage attitude came billowing out and I wasn't able to stop it.  If I was stuck in a cushy, air conditioned, clean combine cab all day and I didn't have to climb up on top of trucks to settle seed down before tarping or if I didn't have to do a lot of running around the field... all I had to do was drive, I'd wear shorts.  Tank tops, tshirts, and sweatshirts.  Then Boss would get in, crank the AC while he rode a round with me and completely mess up the comfortable temperature I'd finally achieved.  As an adult, I learned that jeans and tall boots were the only way I could function.  I really couldn't handle dirt or seed being in my socks or in between my toes.  I needed clean, dry feet.  To keep myself cooled off if I had to spend much time outside, I was a tank top gal through and through. My armpits get claustrophobic I used to say.

These days, Marie and I have no need to cruise in our daddy's pickup trucks... we have our own.  Again, if you don't recognize it, shame on you!  Look up the song and get familiar.  

Summers with Dad

This time of year, believe it or not... is hard for me.  Most everybody else is getting geared up for summer.  Hair is getting lighter, skin is getting darker, drinks are going into the coolers, music is getting turned up a little louder, and water is beginning to get warmer.  Here I am, thinking of memories of sitting in the cab of a windrower or combine driving around in circles for 10 or more hours a day.

When I think back, my summers have always consisted of some sort of farming.  My dad taught me how to drive everything.  I remember my summers being spent with my dad.

My memories go back to an age I'm not quite sure of.  However, I remember my red Mickey Mouse alarm clock (the loud ringing bell kind), my Igloo lunch box that was turquoise and yellow, and my first pair of work boots.  I can remember waking up with Mickey, attempting to pack my own lunch, and getting dressed and ready to go to the farm with Dad.  My dad has worked for Knife River (formerly Morse Bros.) driving a cement mixer my entire life.  You do the math, we've already established that I'm now 30 years old.  He has, for as long as I can remember, taken 2 weeks off during the summer-time to work on the farm.  His friend's farm, to help out.  That was his vacation.  Something he enjoyed doing... mom probably would have wanted to go on an actual vacation, but dad's heart needed the tractors.  The smell of ripening ryegrass, diesel fumes, and a plethora of dust and dirt.
I always took a pillow with me, despite the cabs being small and quite cramped back then... I always found a place to curl up and sleep.  When I wasn't napping on the floor, I was sitting either in dads lap or right next to him.  I can very distinctly remember driving a combine, sitting on dad's lap.  I turned around, and his head was tipped back sleeping.  I woke him up at every corner because I was worried I couldn't do it myself.

The first time I had to squat to pee in the field was an experience of it's own.  I was with dad, he didn't know how to explain how to squat, he didn't have to worry about that.  It's easy for boys to pee when you're out in the field.  But dad treated me just like the boys that were out there.  The first time was pretty painless... I had dad there to run interference.  But as I got older and began driving equipment on my own during the summer, it became more difficult.  Being the only girl on the crew out in the field, if my machine came to a stop (so that I could get out and pee), here came the boss in the pickup bombing across the field to make sure I hadn't broken down or plugged or something.  There's no telling how many times boss-man saw my little white rear-end.  I had to get creative.  Spacing myself perfectly with the other people driving, and waiting until the furthest corner away to ensure extra time, or making sure I could do the first round so that I could be right up next to the tree line for some privacy.

Dad teaching me how to pull the 18-bottom plow.

All of the things that I know had to quickly become common knowledge.  Every single bit of it came from my dad at some point.  He taught me how to drive, how to drive straight, how to turn a corner, how to round a pointed corner so that it was easier for the next driver to get his header in the small space to cut the grass.  He showed me how to look at my sickle bar and check for problems.  He bought me my first pocket knife to pluck the mud out from under my guards, and to cut the straw out of my header when I plugged it.  He taught me to pack more food than you'll need, just in case you work longer hours and need more to eat.  Not to mention, you eat when you're bored... which is a lot.  He showed me the basics of driving a seed truck.  He showed me how to combine the first row of a field with a lot of trees... how to slowly inch my header in there to suck up the swath and then back away and take a different angle to get back in there so that the tree branches didn't scratch the machine or break something important in the rear end where my straw chopper, fans, and engine were located.  He gave me enough confidence and enough independence to become good at these things.  When I did something wrong, or broke something because I had made a mistake, dad and the boss gave me just enough hollering to make me not want to let them down again, and enough constructive criticism to do better next time and be more careful.  I learned to have my coffee drank by the time I got to the shop in the morning so that I can use the restroom before we head out to the field.  I learned to top a truck, on the go with the New Zealand kiwi driving and hanging out the window throwing hand signals my way before the days of being in a machine that had a functioning CB radio.

When dad's vacation was over and I was out there by myself, he came out almost every night.  Bringing a cold brew to the boss, sitting around the bed of a pickup, chit-chatting about the day's production as the crew finished up and so anxiously awaited the dust to settle in and lay down, making it almost impossible to see your swath in front of you.  Round and round you'd go, looking towards the trucks where we'd park the machines for the night, waiting and waiting for those headlights to flash 2 or 3 times... signaling us to come in for the night and park them to cool down.

The first time I drove a large piece of equipment down the road, I was 14  years old.  Everyone believed I was responsible enough to do it.  I, myself was nervous.  Somebody always came and helped me.  If anything, boss would trade me... he would drive my combine and I would follow slowly in his pickup.  But the first time I had to... we were short handed.  My dad was out there (I think it was on a weekend) helping.  He had left the field to take a full seed truck to the warehouse.  He wasn't back in time to help us with the move.  So boss said I had to drive it on my own.  I'd be the middle combine, with somebody leading the way in front of me and someone behind me.  He had faith that I could do it by myself.  It was one of the longest "road-trips" we had on the farm.  2 fields that were pretty far away from each other.  I succeeded.  I made it to the field, I didn't hit anything.  Everybody was safe and sound.  Except for my dad.  He still wasn't back and it wasn't until later that evening when my mom came to pick me up that I'd been informed that while driving to the warehouse in the truck, he'd been t-boned by someone driving a hay squeeze (semi truck in the front, fork lift in the back).  Mom took me from the farm to the scene of the wreck.  All I can really remember was the cab of the truck was not where it was supposed to be, sitting crooked on the frame of the truck.  Dad had gone for quite a ride, having flipped over onto it's side after impact.  The person driving the hay squeeze had run the stop sign.  Besides a hurt knee and being slightly rattled, dad was okay.

Dad and I enjoying some R&R last summer.  WCMF '15.

As an adult, even up until just a few years ago, I was following in my father's footsteps.  Taking a 2 week vacation during the summer months to help on the farm when I was needed.  It is a relaxing change of pace, leaving a desk job and being outside, in the sunshine, getting dirty, and helping a farmer get their crop in.  It's a good feeling, a sense of accomplishment.  Each day you can see how much you've gotten done.  How many acres you've windrowed, how much you've gotten thrashed. Or if your turning dirt, how many more hours will it take? And should you just keep going until you're done, whether that puts you home at 9pm or 1am.  I quickly learned after high school was over and I was working full time, that I too, just like my father had diesel running through my veins.  Dust belonged in my ears, I enjoy the horsepower, I like wearing my jeans and boots to work each day, putting my hair in a pony tail and being left to drive.

Best 4th of July ever.  Sneaking selfies and
chatting dad's ear off in the combine.

Each spring, I hear from my dad that this is his last summer helping out on the farm.  I always bring to his attention that he has said that same thing for the past 5 years... but it's always the same old song and dance.  This year really is the last.  Most recently, even though I was not taking the time off to work during the summer, I did spend my 4th of July in the combine with my dad.   Just like the summer that we spent the 4th of July evening cutting a field late into the night.  Watching fireworks from the dark cab of the windrower. Like I said, this time of year is almost bitter sweet.  I miss farming with my dad.  I miss being involved.  Don't get me wrong, I have fun summer plans this year.  Lots of camping trips and plans to enjoy my summer and wonderful warm weather.

But I'll always miss my summers with dad.  It wasn't just my summer job.  It was my best childhood memories and I cherish them.